if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
