great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
