Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize