Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
