Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
