she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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