omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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