You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
