I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
