How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
