so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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