ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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