I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
