And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
