I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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