I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
