Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize