I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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