Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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