At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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