dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize