Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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