perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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