She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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