A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
nutella sex= disaster
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
