went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
