So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
