Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
