That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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