Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You work out of a Hotel?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Pants are for mortals
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
