Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
