you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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