I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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