Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
