We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
