she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I love you. Go after that dick
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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