i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
