Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize