Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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