Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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