Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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