when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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