I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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