Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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