we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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