3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize