Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
