I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
