Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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