My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
