he shaved USA in his pubs
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
