btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
