'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
