I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
