like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I understand Curling. That high.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I can't turn off my feet"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
