He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
