I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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