So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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