Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
