dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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