so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
