i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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