Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
