I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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