That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's just like the Real World with babies
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize