No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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