I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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