he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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