i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
